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  • Writer's pictureBrianna Rodgers, LMFT

Navigating the Well in Farewell

I have prepared myself and have actually become quite the expert at discerning & releasing “toxic” people. However, what I’m NOT good at and did not prepare for is having to say goodbye to GOOD people. People I love and cherish. People I cringe at imagining life without. I have had to do the latter more this past year than I ever have. It’s still hard and I still suck at it.

Last October, my mentor passed away of a heart attack. He was the person that developed my passion for mental health. I worked directly under him for two years, and he had me convinced that he was a mind-reader - that’s how great of a therapist he was. He was the humblest man with like 15 degrees, licenses, and certifications that I’ve ever met. As we know, my mom passed away in December. My best friend, my she-ro, my angel. In April, I lost a close friend of 5+ years. That one was unexpected and it still stings to think about. And today (the one that inspired this post), the woman that has advocated for, supervised, and looked out for me for the past 2 years on my job is resigning. (I’m going to miss her terribly, but I’m so happy for her next venture!)

I hate goodbyes. What is a “good” bye anyway? Is it when you get to share all of your experiences and feelings before you part? Is it when things end on a high note? Is it when you’ve learned all that you can learn from them? What about when you don‘t even get to say goodbye? How can I be WELL in farewell?

Well, I’m still navigating this. BUT this is what I can tell you:

Time DOES NOT heal all wounds. If your time is spent angry for 3 years...then in 3 years you will still be angry. Healing is a choice, and then a process.
  • Resentment is a sure barrier to healing. The more time you spend resenting them and/or the goodbye, the more time it will take you to shift your perspective and to even be OPEN to healing the wound that the goodbye may have left.

  • Time DOES NOT heal all wounds. If your time is spent angry for 3 years...then in 3 years you will still be angry. Healing is a choice, and then a process.

  • Denying your feelings does not make them go away. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re sad or even mad! Saying “I have forgiven them” and “I’m okay” when it’s not true sounds good, but is unhealthy and a WHOLE lie.

  • Perspective is everything. Sometimes we don’t consider what the relationship would have been like if it continued, and other times we’re so mad about having to say goodbye that we don’t appreciate the blessing of the lessons and experiences that developed us while in relationship with others.

  • Your purpose, worth, and destiny did not leave with them. Yes, their absence may sting, but they are not God. Use this time to allow God to show you what you’re capable of when standing on your own two feet. Sometimes we can become so dependent on others, that we start to think we’re not valuable without them.

  • They’re not always the bad person. If I see one more meme about blocking your “haters” 🙄. Chile, everyone is not hating. Sometimes you’re the hater. Sometimes you’re wrong. Sometimes people have to say goodbye to you for their own well-being. Such is life. Learn and grow from it.

Allow God to restore you...I’m certainly having to. Some goodbyes don’t last forever, some are for the other person, some really are good, but ALL of them make you who you are.

All is well, dear one.


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