Brianna Rodgers, LMFT
Preparing for Mother’s Day Without My Mother
We all know it. Mother’s Day is approaching. It doesn’t have to be a taboo subject for those of us grieving the loss of our mother or maternal figure. ☺️
This will be my third year without my mommy on Mother’s Day. *Sigh* The first 2 years, the day snuck up on me and caught me by surprise. My approach was to just “power through” the day. This year, apart of my self-care is to be intentional and plan for the day/weekend ahead of time. I have to constantly remind myself (and be reminded by my loved ones) to control what I can and release what I cannot. So, I am practicing just that! (*Insert your clap for me here*)
Thank you. I am full of emotions as I type this blog. Sad, grateful, and proud are probably the most overwhelming emotions I feel at this time. Sad that my beautiful mother is not here on earth with me. Sad that I’m even typing this. Sad to imagine the rest of my life without her. Sad that my future husband and children won’t experience her in the flesh. I don’t feel guilt nor do I desire pity for this sadness. I am okay with it and recognize it as a natural human emotion, especially in conjunction with grief. It comes and goes. Sadness is not my final destination.
I feel gratitude for the opportunity to have been mothered by such an incredible woman. I mean that. Susan Woods Rodgers is the most admirable woman that I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was sassy and sweet, full of hope and laughter, and as authentic as they come. She gave the best hugs and warmed the iciest of hearts. Her humanity was evident in her pain and suffering...from her childhood to her last days. Her life wasn’t a fairytale and she wasn’t perfect. She normalized struggle, raw emotion, and relentless faith like none other. She showed me how to grieve with hope before I knew I’d need it to survive losing her.
Lastly, I feel proud. I am proud of myself for welcoming the grace to grieve. I am proud of my bubba (my nickname for my brother...don’t tell him I told you) for opening up little by little. I am proud of my dad for never stopping my brother and I from talking about our mom. I am proud of my cousins for always checking in on us in their own ways. I am proud of my aunts and uncles for being available. I am proud of my mommy’s legacy.
I have arranged getaway plans for Mother’s Day Weekend this year. While that may not be what everyone needs, I do urge those of us preparing for this day without our beloved to be intentional and take care of yourself. Here are some ideas that may help:
Honor her memory (visit gravesite, balloon ceremony, spend time your siblings and go down memory lane, etc.)
Spend time with her family (siblings, parents, etc.)
Watch her favorite movie or listen to her favorite song
Plan to cry if spontaneous tears make you uncomfortable.
Welcome your emotions
TALK ABOUT IT!